Saying Goodbye is Sad

Dear Parents,

      As some of you prepare to say goodbye to your child for a first school experience on Monday, I will provide copies of the "Chapter Saying Goodbye is Sad," from 1, 2, 3, ... The Toddler Years (available in our school library in the upstairs lobby).  Some parents have found it helpful in the past.

Here is a description of how Erikson might view the tears of saying goodbye at school as part of normal and healthy child development.  Although this is ostensibly about children younger than our nursery children, we still like to work the idea of accepting that sadness can occur over missing mom or dad, that this is normal, and that this is part of the curriculum of coming to an early childhood classroom.  That being said, I wouldn't want a parent to feel remorse if a child charges away to school without looking back.

As I mentioned to a couple of parents yesterday, although school starts officially at 8:30, parents who do not need to be here to drop off older siblings are invited to come at a time that works for their family, 8:40, 8:50, 9, or even a little later.  Susan Weber, a teacher of Waldorf teachers who seems quite competent and the sort to always be on time for a meeting herself, exhorted a group of parent & child teachers at a conference to release parents from any guilt about being late to a class.  She felt it so important--with the work of Gerber and RIE she was bringing us--to have parents of very young children create a breathing element to the day with a sense of "plenty of time, no need to rush," that it would go against the culture she was trying to build to give any sense of judgment to people who were not in class right at the start.  Although it is important for first graders to start the day with their classmates, and while kindergarten provides a good transition to being at school promptly at 8:30, I would much rather have a centered nursery child and parent arrive at 9:10 than to have that same parent and child arrive full of stress at 8:30.

Some years, the slightly shorter morning a later arrival provides make those first days or weeks away from mom and dad easier.  Our start in the clearing by the teepee (50 yards from school) makes the staggered start easier, I find--all the children enter the classroom at the same time later in the morning, so there is less anxiety about perhaps not getting to play with a favorite doll or toy.

I also know some parents need to have other children at school early and get to work themselves.  Although we officially start at 8:30, I will strive to be in the teepee earlier, as soon as I am able to drop off my son in first grade.

Respectfully,

William Geoffrey Dolde