Upon hearing feedback and interest from nursery parents, it has become clear to me that we will find more benefit in a Friday Maxwelton potluck (having faith in the weather) rather than a Thursday meeting without children.
NO MEETING THURSDAY THE 16th.
Yes, casual pot-luck on Friday the 17th from 4 to 5:30ish (staying a little later if the weather is nice) at Maxwelton Beach. I will also invite parent & child families.
With appreciation,
William
He told her something like the following: in a 5th grade handwork class, children get their directions from the teacher, start their knitting or sewing, converse quietly, get to a pleasant hum, and then become too loud. It always happens; he should know; he had taught for decades and visited dozens of schools as an evaluator. This natural rhythm of getting too loud has nothing to do with the worthiness of the teacher. And, yes, the teacher then has to shift the mood to restore a quiet hum that supports concentration and pleasant engagement, but the teacher need never be disappointed when performing this task because it is an expected task; groups of people become louder and quieter.
In his lectures to teachers opening the first Waldorf school, Rudolf Steiner exhorted the teachers to be prepared to receive insults from rascally students with the same composure that they might accept rain if they had forgotten their umbrella (pretty easy for us in the Pacific Northwest, where umbrellas are few and far between).
We still guide the class. As I've written and spoken before, we can still be confident Zen captains, working with the laws of the sea as we guide our family or classroom ship. We do so from a place of acceptance and composure. There is never a need to feel lack or unworthiness. We will have far more effectiveness and bring more joy and light and happiness if we start from a place of allowing the present (even as we are about to attempt to guide behavior).
I think the handwork example resonates for me is that it doesn't cut so close to the bone as a parent and teacher of young children (I'm not tempted to compare myself favorable or unfavorably with this most excellent handwork teacher)--yet the principle is the same. As parent or teacher I find myself frequently inspired or called upon to shift a situation. If I can start from a place of acceptance ("These things happen, and I there are many ways to make the situation even better), I will be all the more able to bring enriching outcomes for everyone. As one Waldorf kindergarten teacher says, if we can speak any statement guiding behavior with the same tone as we would speak, "Here's the towel," we will find ourselves helping all the more. True confession here: in the past decade, there have a couple of times in which I have been so at my wit's end at help to free up an electric conflict situation, I have stated, "Here's the towel." That nonsequitur so confused everyone that it allowed a pause to come and a path toward healing begin.
Another reason I am drawn to the handwork example is it leaves us a bit freer as parents of very young children to recognize the diversity of our experiences. Your base point of expansion with your child or children may be very different from mine, and that is OK.
Kim Payne asks teachers (and parents), "Do we love our times?" His question is rhetorical: really, he is saying, "Find a way to love our times for your benefit and your children's benefit." Our positive outlook will help to bring about positive outcomes for our children. In our WIWS process with social inclusion, we will likely start a "put down diet" for adults (and later ask our children to join us). We will benefit from finding alternatives to criticism--including criticism of our governments and financial leaders. Esther Hicks, inspired by Abraham, speaks with infectious enthusiasm about all that is going well on planet earth; it is a delicious time to be alive.
We are not burying our heads in the sand. Rather than making us blind to bullying or teasing or other elements we need to shift, our composure and positive outlook will make us most able to help all children. We can appreciate what is, and be eager for even better times. Magda Gerber, who has helped parents celebrate our infants and toddlers where they are rather than feeling disappointed that they are not yet at the next phase (that is, rather than worrying about when our child will walk, we witness all the joy she or he experiences in crawling). Celebrate what is, even as we look forward to what is to come.
So this winter/spring, I try to be on the path of writing shorter pieces that all seem to say the same thing. If this fails to appease, perhaps if you ate gobs of honey, that would satisfy.
I've worked with Kim Payne on Social Inclusion and Simplicity Parenting in Baltimore and New Hampshire. Amidst all his esoteric erudition, some simple moments stand out for me. We were discussing an electric situation, in which 7th grade girls were vicious toward another 7th grade girl who wasn't "cool." In working with one of the tormentors (separately), Kim was able to help her realize that although the less cool girl, like, really annoyed her and made her have to roll her eyes, she, like, really only rolled her eyes, like, 8 times of 10, or whatever. Kim helped this ostensible bully realize that, in fact, 2 times out of 10, she was able to interact with this other girl--the supposed target of her loathing--with tolerance, perhaps even acceptance. He encouraged the potential tormentor to work to 3 times out of 10 of acceptance (no teasing, eye rolling, and soforth); then checked in with her in a few days and moved it up to 4 or 5. Soon the once bully realized that everything worked better and flowed better if she tolerated the other girl (who had once been her best friend) , and they became friends again. This was a success story, and I took from it Kim's general recommendation: notice what works, and build from there (no matter how slight). Follow and focus upon the solution.
Jerry and Esther Hicks, in conveying wisdom from the spiritual world,--as they encourage us to attend to the solution rather than the problem--give us the metaphor of the buffet. When we go to a buffet, we choose the food that we enjoy and want to try and eat it. We don't lament or go into hysterics or give our attention to the food in the buffet we choose not to eat. We don't start yelling at the omelette chef because he has the gall to have those mushrooms we don't like there. They encourage us to look at what life gives us in the same way, to deliberately focus our attention on that which produces good feeling thoughts, which will attract more of the same.
Waldorf kindergarten teachers--from the first ones in Stuttgart to the likes of Rahima Baldwin Dancy and Barbara Patterson--notice the importance and effectiveness of stating the positive ("Let's stay on dry land" rather than "Don't go in that puddle") in guiding young children; they take their cue from Rudolf Steiner, who noted that young children DON'T register the "don't" in a phrase such as "Don't run" or "Don't hit," but instead register the verb "run" or "hit." (A parent informed that contemporary brain research backs this up).
In the social interactions of young children, it is tempting to get caught up in the charged moments--the hitting, the grabbing, the pushing, and the like. I am always asking how we can--while having a picture of love and wellness that includes physical and emotional safety--give our attention and energy to the abundant moments of cooperative and tolerant interactions. How we can build from this stream of wellness flowing here rather than pushing against a river of unwanted there.
At times I pause and wonder if this smacks too much of Skinner and Pavlov. "Reward" (with attention) that which you want to increase its frequency (give stimulus to achieve the desired response). But why wonder if it is "too much"? Why do spiritual streams and material streams need be in opposition? For Steiner and other spiritual seekers, the physical is the leading edge of the spiritual, the physical is spiritual. I appreciate so much some of tools (that is, spiritual insights) I received in my public school teaching--we called it "planned ignoring" when I taught public school. We also played a game of the "mystery helper" in which I as teacher chose a child a random. If that child's behavior or performance was prosocial, the whole class received a reward with a description of the activity that merited it. If that child's behavior did not, there was no mention of it.
