Kim Payne 2 -- Loving our Times

In Baltimore the handwork teacher and I were having a lively discussion, kindled by something Kim Payne sparked in me. The handwork teacher passed along wisdom from her evaluator--a venerable fellow, full of gravitas, full of experience; no "softy." That said, my colleague was quite competent and received mainly commendations. One recommendation stood out for her and rings out for me these many years later. Her evaluator noted that she sounded way too disappointed when telling her 5th graders, "5th Grade, you are being too loud."

He told her something like the following: in a 5th grade handwork class, children get their directions from the teacher, start their knitting or sewing, converse quietly, get to a pleasant hum, and then become too loud. It always happens; he should know; he had taught for decades and visited dozens of schools as an evaluator. This natural rhythm of getting too loud has nothing to do with the worthiness of the teacher. And, yes, the teacher then has to shift the mood to restore a quiet hum that supports concentration and pleasant engagement, but the teacher need never be disappointed when performing this task because it is an expected task; groups of people become louder and quieter.

In his lectures to teachers opening the first Waldorf school, Rudolf Steiner exhorted the teachers to be prepared to receive insults from rascally students with the same composure that they might accept rain if they had forgotten their umbrella (pretty easy for us in the Pacific Northwest, where umbrellas are few and far between).

We still guide the class. As I've written and spoken before, we can still be confident Zen captains, working with the laws of the sea as we guide our family or classroom ship. We do so from a place of acceptance and composure. There is never a need to feel lack or unworthiness. We will have far more effectiveness and bring more joy and light and happiness if we start from a place of allowing the present (even as we are about to attempt to guide behavior).

I think the handwork example resonates for me is that it doesn't cut so close to the bone as a parent and teacher of young children (I'm not tempted to compare myself favorable or unfavorably with this most excellent handwork teacher)--yet the principle is the same. As parent or teacher I find myself frequently inspired or called upon to shift a situation. If I can start from a place of acceptance ("These things happen, and I there are many ways to make the situation even better), I will be all the more able to bring enriching outcomes for everyone. As one Waldorf kindergarten teacher says, if we can speak any statement guiding behavior with the same tone as we would speak, "Here's the towel," we will find ourselves helping all the more. True confession here: in the past decade, there have a couple of times in which I have been so at my wit's end at help to free up an electric conflict situation, I have stated, "Here's the towel." That nonsequitur so confused everyone that it allowed a pause to come and a path toward healing begin.

Another reason I am drawn to the handwork example is it leaves us a bit freer as parents of very young children to recognize the diversity of our experiences. Your base point of expansion with your child or children may be very different from mine, and that is OK.

Kim Payne asks teachers (and parents), "Do we love our times?" His question is rhetorical: really, he is saying, "Find a way to love our times for your benefit and your children's benefit." Our positive outlook will help to bring about positive outcomes for our children. In our WIWS process with social inclusion, we will likely start a "put down diet" for adults (and later ask our children to join us). We will benefit from finding alternatives to criticism--including criticism of our governments and financial leaders. Esther Hicks, inspired by Abraham, speaks with infectious enthusiasm about all that is going well on planet earth; it is a delicious time to be alive.

We are not burying our heads in the sand. Rather than making us blind to bullying or teasing or other elements we need to shift, our composure and positive outlook will make us most able to help all children. We can appreciate what is, and be eager for even better times. Magda Gerber, who has helped parents celebrate our infants and toddlers where they are rather than feeling disappointed that they are not yet at the next phase (that is, rather than worrying about when our child will walk, we witness all the joy she or he experiences in crawling). Celebrate what is, even as we look forward to what is to come.