Homework for March 17 Meeting

Dear Families,

     Again, I look forward discussing topics of interest to you during our meeting on March 17.  As I wait for ideas or interest from you, a couple of topics have come to mind.  One of them involves homework.

Looking Toward Home Visits for 2010-2011 for next year's nursery class

      I have had some wonderful, opening, transformative conversations with former nursery parents in the past month, and from these conversations I have a question about how I can change as a teacher and in my interactions with parents to make myself more approachable.  Specifically, parents confessed the terror or fear they felt when I was coming over to their house for a home visit or other event, that if things are not perfect, I might. . . (and here is where I need to the work, because I am not sure what they were afraid of:  that I would hold it against their child, hold it against them, consider kicking their child out of class, be angry--I am not sure what I was projecting, but I would like to stop projecting that).

      In any event, I would like to talk about home visits.  If they cause more stress than joy, I would prefer to dispense with them for next year's nursery group.  To do something because this is "what we always do" or "this is what all Waldorf early childhood teachers do" is not helpful; rather, I would like to create forms and norms that are nourishing.  To be honest, I revel in dismissing Waldorf traditions that are no longer helpful, because Waldorf education is not about confining traditions but about being present in the moment, observing the children, and creating the form that nourishes the children in your care.  One idea I had was for next year to have home visits involve inviting all the nursery children and parents in small groups or one by one to my cottage to lay open all my imperfections--my 7 year old blasting Beethoven on the CD player, non-organic food, clutter, and the like.  In Broken Open, Elizabeth Lesser writes fondly of Wavy Gravy the clown, who is known for saying something like, "We are all bozos on the bus, so let us sit back and enjoy the ride."  I would love to convey to next year's group of parents that I, too, am a bozo without making them lose all confidence in me.  I would appreciate your input at our class meeting on the 17th.

"I Had it First!"

      Even as our nursery children experience long periods of complex, cooperative, nuanced, and dynamic play where teachers need do nothing else but bear witness to the sacred work going on (and remain calm and open ourselves), conflicts still arise, especially over toys and play objects.  Lately I've noted how often a child will say, "I had it first!" as a justification for grabbing a toy a way.  "I had it first!" has come to mean "I really want it, and I don't care that the other child has it" rather than at all portraying a judge's picture of reality:  a child who has not touched a toy all morning may grab it away declaring, "I had it first!".  Now it is true in a child's mind, she or he may have had it first because the imaginative picture is so strong (or a child might be referring to a time 3 months ago when she had the toy).  In any event, this gave me an idea for homework for me and you, and we can discuss it at the meeting.

      For the next few weeks with our children, in all their conflicts and interactions, let us as adults try to avoid serving as judges with the phrase, "Give it back to your brother.  He had it first" and the like.  We can still be observant and protective (if one sibling is always taking a toy away from or needling another, it is our job to free our children from this stuck pattern), but let us rack our brains to come up with any other approach than being a judge and trying to determine who had a toy first.  I will be curious to see what you have come up, and I will share what I have tried (but I want to hear from parents because there is no official or right answer here).

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde