Ritual and Speech

Dear Families,

        This is a call to be mindful of your speech around your children and around school.  Last week, several parents talked openly about a birthday party after school while pushing their children on the swings, yelling "Let's go to the birthday party" in a manner easy for parents and children who had not been invited to hear.  While there were no major meltdowns observed, and while it is fine for children to have birthday parties that do not include every child in the class, I cannot but say I am somewhat disappointed by the parents' lack of decorum and awareness.  We are working with issues of social exclusion (intensively and successfully) in class and the school as a whole, and all the children need the support of the parents.  Your mindfulness will help your child and all the children.

       As many of you know (board meetings and minutes are open), the board and faculty are going through an intense process of trying to produce a balanced budget in tight financial times.  I have observed some kindergarten parents speaking rather openly about their discontent about this or that decision in the presence of children.  I welcome the discontent, but our children's health asks for parents to be mindful and temper their speech around children.  If you have an issue with me, please tell or write me directly.  If you have other questions or concerns, Maureen may be a good initial person to contact, and she will help direct your concern to the appropriate group--board, faculty, college, listening council, parent council, and soforth.  I appreciate your help in reminding kindergarten parents to be mindful of children in their presence as well.

In class I have observed intense rituals in which many children (6, 7, 8) pull on a rope, sometimes to realize that they all are pulling in the same direction--that the child they were ostensibly "helping" get the rope has already moved on to another game.  As Kim Payne writes, intense interpersonal interaction (that is, conflict) has become the rite of passage children seek at this time.  This ritualistic conflict has begun to spill over, however, into the games of children who are not yet seeking such an intense meeting, and I will do everything in my power to redirect, stop, or change patterns in the class.  I value your support of my authority and my decisions at this time.

With warmth and light (and a little fire),

William Geoffrey Dolde

Birthday songs recorded

Dear Families,

       As we discussed at our first parent meeting in August, I intended to record your children's birthday songs so that relatives far and near could hear them.  At long last, I have made simple, solo recordings of these songs.  I believe you will be able to hear them if you scroll down on this facebook page to the music player on the lower left side.  As with all public entries on this blog, I refrain from mentioning children's names, but the songs are identified by your child's symbols.  I have hopes of recording more extended versions of these songs (with guitar and/or bass) in (the perhaps too far distant) future.

       It is with some ambivalence I offer the songs in this format.  My hope is to inspire children and their parents to produce their own music, with voice and instruments.  I also know that a recording makes it easier to learn some songs.  And (more ambivalence) it is better to learn traditional music (which my music pretends to be) by ear rather than off the printed page; as an adult trying to become more and more proficient in Celtic music, I help myself much more by--at 2am in the morning with my practice mute on--trying to learn tunes by ear off itunes than I do in reading off of sheet music (the greats, like Perlman, can read over a musical score, memorize it at once, and then play it by ear on the violin).  With this as a muddled caveat, I encourage you to share and use these tunes as you judge best.

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde

Birthday Wednesday, 2nd Grade Play

Dear Nursery Families,

Ms. White has invited our class to watch a rehearsal of the 2nd grade play tomorrow, Wednesday, at 9:30am in the 2nd grade room. It will provide a sense of completeness for our nursery children--I think--to watch a play by children we watch so often through our windows (and talk about because they are our sisters or cousins or neigbors)--and, most importantly, to be present in the actual classroom that is above our head and the source of so much banging, moving of furniture, and beautiful flute music. Kim and I will have laps for our children who find the experience too much to handle all at once. We will take our walk as early as we can, 9am at the latest. We will go only as far as the teepee--look for us there if you are a little late.

We will also celebrate a birthday tomorrow, so expect to pick up child full of ginger muffin crumbs.

Cheers,

William Dolde

May Newsletter, Fairy Tales, Gender, Metaphor

Dear Families,

       Expect information on the last day of school soon.  I want to provide the reflections below now.

Rahima Baldwin on Fairy Tales

As was apparent in our parent meeting, some parents have questions about fairy tales--and particularly the presence of evil in the tales--in the education of young children.  In You Are Your Child's First Teacher, Rahima Baldwin discusses the role of fairy tales in life of children age 3 to 6 in the chapter "Nourishing Your Child's Imagination."  Several of you own the book; there are multiple copies available in the Kathrine Dickerson Memorial library.  Here is a relatively easy-to-read, legal online selection from that chapter.  This free selection from google, because it is a preview, leaves out pages; if you scroll down to page 200, the following pages (200-204) talk about fairy tales, the role of masculine and feminine stereotypes in fairy tales, and the presence of cruelty and evil in fairy tales.  I would being doing you, your children, and our school a disservice if I did not exhort--almost obligate--you to reread this chapter (or at least a selection from it).  Although a nursery class with many 3 year olds can do quite well with stories and puppetry of professions (tailor, cobbler, baker, farmer, and soforth), fairy tales provide an essential element of Walforf Early Childhood Education, and even while I encourage parents to question everything, I also encourage parents to try to learn and read as much as possible about those elements of Waldorf education that bother them most--this striving will support your child's connection to school and teacher.

Here are some (perhaps debatable) recommendations I take away from Baldwin's chapter and my reflections on it:

1)  Avoid television and video media for children.

2) If you are uncomfortable with an image or description in a fairy tale or nursery rhyme, it is healthier to choose other material completely to share with your child.  Often these tales or rhymes are artistic wholes, and leaving out the violent or sad descriptions deprives your child of the benefits of experiencing the whole process.  In our work in early childhood (and throughout school) we try to provide the whole experience--baking bread, washing, and the like.  Again, this is not a recommendation to rush scary or adult material on your child--find material that nourishes your child that you are comfortable with.

3) Have confidence.  Even if you don't like a story (if, say, a first grade teacher tells "Little Red Riding Hood" to one of my children--see more below), another adult's devoted interest and attention to the tale and its significance will convey to your child.

4)  While questioning the patriarchal impulses behind written literature in the last few centuries, remain open to the possibility that ancient fairy tales contain a description of our soul's journey, of the queen and king (and soforth) in each of us.

5)  When seeking other tales to provide other narratives for our children beyond an androcentric marriage plot, take care (as Baldwin writes at the end of the chapter) to seek fairy tales for young children rather than fables or legends (which have their proper place developmentally in about 2nd grade).  It has given me discomfort to observe experienced Waldorf teachers tell legends to their classes in an effort to bring multicultural stories; the mood is not right for early childhood, and I could sometimes observe this in the children's lack of engagement with the story.  Baldwin writes, "In trying to distinguish the different types of stories, keep in that mind that fairy tales speak of the development of an individual human soul, and the characters are aspects of each of us; fables exaggerate human characteristics and tendencies in animal form in order to dramatize a moral lesson; and legends speak of the (often exaggerated) exploits of a 'real' human being" (209).

Gender Stereotypes in Fairy Tales and Beyond

Here are a few stories as a way of starting.

1)  Twin girls were in my nursery class years ago.  Their parents were supportive of the school and their daughters' individuality.  One daughter almost always wore dresses to school.  The other almost always wore pants.  This second daughter told me, very matter-of-factly, "I'm not beautiful like my sister because I don't wear dresses like her."  This daughter in pants did show great willingness to take risks, play in mud and sand, climb, role and tumble.  Her sister--also a delightful child--tended to show aversions to taking risks, meeting new people, playing in sand and mud, and like.

2)  This story comes from an experienced teacher who addressed my class of teacher trainees at the University of Maryland.  She did her best to avoid gender stereotypes in her classroom:  trucks and dolls were available for girls and boys; stories displayed women and men in different roles; and soforth.  She knew not to talk explicitly to children about their clothes (e.g., "What a pretty dress you are wearing today!").  While not forbidding certain types of clothes, she encouraged parents to dress their children in clothes that could get muddy and sandy in outdoor play (these were still the days when all early childhood teachers--not just Waldorf teachers--could take children outside in all sorts of weather, and the days before rain pants that could protect all kinds of clothes).  One girl in her class always came in comfortable play clothes (sweat pants, sweatshirt) and loved to play with girls and boys, indoor and out, in sand and mud, with dolls and trucks, receiving all the gifts this preschool had to offer.  One day this girl came to school wearing a fairly fancy dress.  The teacher, who knew to avoid judging attire ("What a pretty dress!" or "You look terrible!"), made what she thought was an objective comment:  "Oh, I see you're wearing a dress today."  The child went on to describe that, yes, she was going out for a special lunch at a restaurant with her aunt right after school.  They talked a bit about the aunt, and the day proceeded as normal.  From then on, this girl only wore dresses to school.  The teacher, curious, spoke to the girl's mother.  The mother, herself a bit confused, responded that her daughter insisted on wearing dresses to school because her teacher liked them so much.

3)  A teacher I worked with at the Park School in Baltimore was considering becoming a public school teacher and was observing at a school in Baltimore.  A teacher was putting pictures of various professions up on the board and having children name them and then practice writing the words.  When asked about a picture, a boy responded, "That's a fire fighter."  "No," said the teacher, "That's a fireman."  This was enough to send this teacher-to-be to look into alternatives and to find her way to a Dewey-inspired school (The point of this story is not to beat up on public schools but to show the potency of one phrase in changing an adult's life).

4)  When I was assistant at the Waldorf School of Baltimore, I had the privilege of meeting with Andrea Gambardella--master teacher (she herself had been Joan Almon's assistant decades before)--weekly individually in groups.  It was very important for Andrea that any visitors to our classrooms--college students and prospective teachers--receive orientation first.  I remember vividly Andrea seeming very tense when trying to come up with the most important part of the orientation and saying, "Like, they need to know not to talk about the children's clothes!"

5)  Recently in our Butterfly nursery, I have heard one girl tell another (not aware that I could hear, and there may have been previous conversation), "My dress is more beautiful than yours" (before you become too alarmed, note that at least the comments were about the beauty of the dress and not the individual).

These stories can paralyze, making it hard to say anything.  I encourage taking the approach advocated in Whole Child/Whole Parent, in which Polly Berrien Berends helps frame parenthood as an incredibly difficult and rewarding opportunity for personal, emotional, and spiritual growth.  Parenting becomes an opportunity to be awake and aware.  While this is taxing, tiring, and potentially depressing, it is ultimately extremely rewarding.  Our children need this from us.

I mean this in no way to be an argument against girls (or boys, who will like to in dress-up play) wearing skirts or dresses.  Especially with rain pants protecting them, dresses can be very practical, especially some sorts that make it easy for girls who have recently learned to use the toilet to do so independently and quickly.

Perhaps these stories give you permission to punch a stranger in the supermarket who compliments or insults your child based upon clothes ("Here! William Dolde said to give you this!).  (Or to avoid getting yourself arrested and me sued, you might try an awkward but healing phrase such as "Yes, we all have our beauty on the inside, no matter what we are wearing" [as unsatisfying as this is compared to a good jab to the nose]).

A collection of fairy tales like "Star Money," or ones in which it is the plain daughter (or simpleton brother), or ones like "Tatterhood" (in which the sister who is tatters show resolve and autonomy) also provide an age-appropriate way of exploring this.  A challenge with fairy tales, however, is that what resonates symbolically (the beautiful attire Cinderalla is able to wear as demonstration of the radiance of her soul) also manifests itself tangibly (wanting to wear a physically beautiful gown--though it may be video and picture versions of the story make this more likely).

As I wrote, even though I think many of the tales in the Grimms' collection provide what is needed at this moment in early childhood, and even while my observations convince me that "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids" is a great story and was the right story for most children in the class (in an effort to be polite and avoid singling out, I alarmed some parents in my last email when I suggested that some children are challenged by the story; based on my observations, eleven children in the class really love the story, and have been reciting it along with me with delight; one parent particularly questioned the value of fairy tales--particularly the depiction of evil and cruelty--in our parent meetings; if your child has expressed discomfort with the story, please let me know), I still have ambivalence about the work of the Brothers Grimm in general--largely based on my graduate studies in English and Irish literature, where I was able to read Jack Zipes' The Trials and Tribulations of Little Red Riding-Hood.  As promised, here is a version--collected by Zipes--of what the more ancient version of this story would have been, along with a Kristevan analysis that finds Zipes' reading limited.  If nothing else, I recommend you read the "Story of Grandmother" (item 3 in the long list on the link) to get a sense of how different a tale can be, and, despite or because of its potentially disturbing elements (when taken literally in addition to symbolically), how much more initiative and autonomy the girl demonstrates in this story than in most modern versions. 

 If you choose to read the complete analysis of this story, I recommend reading to the end of the selection so that you can see how the author weaves elements together to reach a conclusion.  If this take on fairy tale literature interests you, I recommend the stories and novels of British novelist Angela Carter (a film, "Company of Wolves," was made based upon one of her short stories).  In The Bloody Chamber, Carter rewrites many tales to bring forth their violent and sexual images--ultimately to seek that which is liberating for women and men (many of her novels, likewise, explore dark, sexual, violent images with the goal of finding the liberation at the conclusion; she also produces a feminist reimagining of the Marquis de Sade in Sadeian Woman).  I hope I have warned you sufficiently that Carter's books are not easy reading or easy on the psyche, but they do, I believe, help in the challenge of living with the paradox of the gifts of fairy tales (and the literary canon) and the discrimination inherent in them.

Metaphor

While working through Carter to take a Freudian or Jungian or Kristevan view of fairy tales or nursery rhymes can help us on our journey of awareness, it becomes necessary to put aside our questions and troubles as we present tale or rhyme to our children (and, again, choosing to avoid a story or rhyme if we find it to disturbing).  Children seek our confidence that everything will work out.  In light of this here are some non-scholarly reflections on cradles, sewing up a wolf's belly, and pirates I have just written.  My point is not to convince you to agree with every decision I make, but to have faith that my confidence in the material will come across to the children.  Similarly, I will have faith in and support your decisions.

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde

Vegetables, Bathrooms, Visitors, Newsletter Delay

Dear Families,

Soup Please remember that it works best when children bring soup vegetables on Monday or Tuesday. The children and I prepare the vegetables for Wednesday's soup at the end of the morning on Tuesday. I know they are not in season yet, but carrots remain extremely possible (do, please, send in greens from your garden once they are ready).

Bathrooms Children, young and old, girls and boys, seem to be making many more requests to use the bathroom at times other than "official" bathroom boat times. Kim and I have not shifted the schedule, and I have no hypothesis about why children might be feeling the urge to go more. In any event, I set up the nursery rhythm and classroom to allow Kim to attend to the individual needs of children in the bathroom. I am not recommending any changes at home--except, perhaps, to send your thanks to Kim for spending so much time in the bathroom with the children.

First Grade Visitors "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids" has been just the right story at the right time for some of the children in our class, and it also provides a challenge for some of the other children in our class. Kim and I have been creative in working with this, and I strive to find solutions that help everybody. I thought it would be healthy for our group to share the experience of hearing the story with the first graders (kindergarten would also be good, but the size of the kindergarten group makes asking first grade much more practical), who will take in the story in a different way. On Tuesday, at 10am, the first graders will join us for a special telling of "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids." This should be nice for the first graders (many of whom experience me in a different mode in after care) and for our nursery children--especially because Kim's daughter is in first grade, and our nursery children show an interest in Juliana's class. If I judge it to be a success, I will invite first grade to join us again on Wednesday.
I will write more of the value of fairy tales (as well as looking at gender roles in tales) next week. In the meantime, here is a pdf of an article about the value of fairy tales, with a few sentences about "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids." This pdf is not that easy to read, and I am posting a copy outside the classroom.

Newsletter Kim Dunkley, Dyanne, and I are making final plans for the last day(s) of school, and we are holding our newsletters until we have clarified that final Wednesday. Expect a newsletter next week.

With warmth and light,

William Dolde

Rain pants rule changes for May

Dear Families,

       Now that May has come, the official policy is that teachers decide if rain pants are required each day.  Because in the nursery many children come to school dressed in outside clothes, and because I want to free nursery children from a crowded and busy hallway as much as possible, I am going to trust parents to decide whether rain pants are needed or not.  If you need some sort of guidance or rule to help each morning, one you might decide the following way

1)  If it has rained the night before or is raining in the morning, use rain pants.

2)  If it has been dry and warm the day before and is still, no rain pants.

Kindergarten teachers have been asking for sun hats.  Because the nursery children are outside earlier and in the woods a great deal (so there is both a lot of shade and chances for sun hats to get lost), they are less essential for this year's nursery class, but do plan on procuring one for kindergarten in the fall.

With rain and sun,

William Dolde

Preview of Newsletter, Brief Summary of Meeting

Dear Families,

Expect a newsletter later next week. Here are three topics I will write about, which we touched upon in the meeting.

1) Thoughts about media and young children.
2) Thoughts about fairy tales and young children.
3) Thoughts about gender roles, stereotypes, and young children.

For topic 1, I told parts of stories, read from a book, and showed a disturbing clip from The Lion King in which Mustafa is trampled to death. While some parents expressed appreciation for an experiental process, and while this experience is one I learned to share years ago and have done so because it does help start a discussion, I want to make sure, when I write you again, that I am not leaving parents with the idea that tv or dvds are OK as long as they are not as graphic, pumped up, and stress-producing as this scene from the Lion King. Indeed, from the Disney repertoire, I have as much concern about the way young women are portrayed and the messages this sends to young girls and boys--and over the years, the greatest challenges media exposure has brought to our nursery class has not so much been boys pretending to trample a lion king to death but rather quiet conversation among girls about whether one is pretty or not, or enough like Ariel or Jasmine (from the movies), or whether one can follow the exact script from Little Mermaid or Aladdin or The Incredibles (I have also had problems with boys excluding others because others did not know the exact script of this or that movie).

Topic 2 provoked a lively discussion because (perhaps moreso to adults, perhaps not) "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids" is a compact and intense tale. Parents were open and free in sharing their opinions about fairy tales in general and whether this particular tale was the right thing for their child at this moment. From that discussion, I feel I owe you a well wrought article (hopefully by someone else, but perhaps me) about the place of fairy tale--and of coming to term with darkness--in relationship to child development and Waldorf education. It is definitely possible for me or other writers to be dogmatic--vaguely remembering that Rudolf Steiner and Albert Einstein championed fairy tales for young children so any fairy tale is good at any age--so I will only share an article if I think it just right.

We had some discussion about the language of "The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids" and whether would change a word such as "monster" to "wolf." While remembering that these tales are translations from the German of the work of the Brothers Grimm, who edited told tales to make them more more in sync with the emerging ideologies of the day, I talked about the benefit for young children in a classroom setting of having the teacher know the story so well that she or he is able to be consistent in telling the text. We also discussed--and parents had a wide range of views--about considerations of editing a story or book as we tell or read it to our children. Over the years, I have found it best for me to show no fear of the words and say them ("monster," "death," "hatred," and soforth)--better for me to save the book or story until a child's older if I feel I have to edit it (there are, of course, exceptions, being surprised by a library book or book somebody hands you that you are reading with a child and have not had a chance to preview). I respect parents making their own decisions. We are always trying to artfully trying to find the balance between protection and the benefit of learning through trial, and different children and families find themselves at different points on this balance.

A problem with meetings based on experience is that they don't share every experience that is part of the class, or Waldorf education, or life. The meeting will have failed miserably if years from now parents remember their child's nursery class--"Oh yes, that was the class where what's-his-name told scary stories all year"--because I was unable to also present the many puppet shows I have presented throughout the year. As such, I invite you to come hear me tell a story I put together with folk themes from several stories at Mayfaire. I will be telling "The Fiddler and the Fairies" at 1 and at 2:15pm in the Sunflower Room (families are gathering outside first). This is not a story I memorized from text but one I composed myself, and I specifically try to prepare it without a written text (I am not telling it over and over in a classroom setting, so changes from telling to telling are not as disturbing). It tends to be more silly than scary (though the fiddler is abducted by fairies because they like his music so much, so listeners in a culture at a time when this abduction seemed imminent and manifest would likely be more on the edge of their seat), and some of the musical jokes recognize that parents and children will listen together, and the jokes are more for the parents.

About topic 3, I talked a little bit about Jack Zipes, and my revulsion towards "Little Red Cap" or "Little Red Riding Hood" as put forth by Perrault, Brothers Grimm, Golden Books, and onward. I talked about a more ancient version of the tale in which the girl helps herself. I will try to produce this version for the newsletter.

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde