Recap of Parent Meeting from Sunday, October 5
We had a helpful discussion about Kim John Payne, Emmi Pikler, and conflict. At home and school, we gave examples and talked about how we might support our children. I think I said then and want to say again--as parents and teachers we are going to be confronted with situations for which a response is not always obvious and just have to be willing to blunder and accept our mistakes. As one parent said, giving ourselves the permission to try again can really help. This also lets our children see that mistakes are OK and that we can try things again to make things right.
We looked at a few pages about the Shame, Blame, and Put-down diet written by Kim Payne and talked about how to translate this work for young children. With older children, a teacher or parent would notice the teasing behavior--"It makes things worse when you roll your eyes"--attempt to discover what the core issue is--"What is bothering you?"--and ask the child to do it over--"Let's find away to respond without rolling your eyes." While this can be helpful with older children (research finds that parents and teachers observe only 2 out of 10 acts of teasing or put-downs so it is essential to intervene when we do notice), we as parents of young children agreed that this amount of noticing and talking might make potentially negative behavior (eye-rolling, name-calling, sticking a tongue out at another child) more potent and more frequent just by our calling attention to it. When we use statements that say what not to do ("Don't stick out your tongue. Don't hit. Don't call her dummy.") with young children, they sometimes to often hear and/or think "Stick out your tongue. Hit. Call her dummy." Similarly, with our young children, attempting to discover what's wrong with a question, "What's the matter?" often receives a blank stare or "I don't know."
We worked together to notice how as parents or teachers we would combine the three steps--notice, discover, do-over--into one, sometimes with, sometimes without words. We can emphasize the do-over. The "Let's try this again" can be extremely helpful for young children in a group situation. Sometimes we can use imagination to help: two children are excluding a third because there really is not enough room in the tower, so the teacher starts planting a garden around the tower and asks for help finding seeds to plant. Sometimes our physical presence is enough. Sometimes we can state, "This is a challenge" while stating or silently recognizing the benefits of trying to solve this problem. "This is a challenge. I wonder if there is a way for seven children to fit in the boat."
Many of the examples from home involved children of different ages, where some of the solutions from school would not work. We talked about noticing (without necessarily speaking, though speaking would be OK too) that there are many modalities in the interactions between siblings and the potential power of holding onto the image of cooperation and joy that we sometimes observe. We might speak about this positive archetype; our nonverbal attitude may be enough. We also talked about--without rewarding a child for hitting a sibling--finding an acceptable outlet for negative behavior. Kim Payne prescribes wrestling for some families. I have wrestled with children some years in the nursery class.
It is also true that home and school can be different. Teasing is a subtle issue. Sometimes when a teacher or adult tries to disapprove of teasing, we may feel our awkward words do not necessarily reach the potential bully. They may, however, reach the ears of other children watching the scene and help those children over time change the dynamics. As the quote from Jack Petrash from last week reminds us, sometimes we can help one child the most, sometimes the group.
With older children, the most change in persistent unfair relationships often come when another child--not in the midst of the fray--can put things in perspective. In the nursery, I already see this activity happening, and without paralyzing a child with praise, I notice or appreciate, "Thank you for bringing that board over to make the house bigger. It helps all the children fit now."
We ended our parent meeting agreeing that as adults we can do a lot by tending to the adult relationships in our community. The first two pages of the Blame, Shame, and Put-Down Diet--the part we did not read in class--give individuals, couples, or groups of adults a path to follow as we endeavor to model for our children. Even with older children who would benefit from a more formal meeting structure like the one Kim Payne outlines, parents and teachers would start the process with adults first to become the change they want to see.
Puppet Shows by teacher and children
I have been presenting a puppet show about a baker who prepares the dough and takes a rest. While she rests, the dough rises over the bowl and out the chimney, stating, "I want to see the world" and singing, "I rise. I rise. Higher and high. I rise, I rise, to see the sky." The baker wakes to see the dough on the roof. When she learns that the dough wants to see the world, she tells the dough to come down; she will help it see the world by making it into rolls. She makes and sings, "Sunday bread, Sunday bread, made with nuts and raisins red" and takes her rolls into the town. Children buy them to take home. When her basket is empty, the baker says, "Now you see my dough, you have gone off to see the world."
I present this show using an apron with extra pockets sewn on. My head becomes the roof of the house. Over the years, I have found that children tend respond well to it. I like that it helps give an imaginative picture to our work in the classroom of baking bread. On Tuesdays, Kim takes groups of children to share rolls with the administrators, singing "Sunday bread." We will see it a few more times before I present a table puppet show about "The Turnip," in which the farmers and animals need the help of little mouse to pull the turnip from the ground. After Thanksgiving, I will present a puppet show of "The Elves and the Shoemaker."
Some children have started presenting their own puppet shows during play time. Some like to present them just to themselves. Others like to set up chairs, distribute tickets, and call for a large audience (with mixed success at convincing other children who might be taking naps in boats or preparing to hunt dragons to leave off their games to watch a show). After starting the year with a show about "Wynken, Blynken, and Nod" in their wooden shoe, I have made two wooden shoes available for the children to use in their shows. They also like to try the shoes on their feet--sometimes on my feet.
There have been big pretend birthday celebrations (as with many play scenarios, the lengthy preparation is the most important part), slides and playgrounds built on the loft, workshops built in all parts of the room, and more buses, trains, cars, sleighs, and boats built throughout the room.
We have been going outside for an hour and a half to longer. Many of our children don their rain garb so capably that I have been surprised to see some of us ready to go outside long before the elementary school has finished with recess. At present, this has created lovely moments in which some second or third graders greet us with warmth and joy. In addition to visiting the teepee and snack shelter at the ropes course, we have also been visiting a clearing along the upper loop in which there is a big rock with a fort built onto it and fallen trees to transform into seesaws or jumping places. Thank you for keeping your child's supply of extra clothes and rain clothes stocked at school.
Bonnie Freundlich will visit us on Tuesdays to lead the children in a Eurythmy circle. She intends to come to one of our parent meetings later in the year to share more information about Eurythmy to parents.
With warmth and light,
William Dolde
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