Meeting Sunday, October 5

Dear Families,

In continues to be a pleasure to witness your children play, work, imagine, cooperate, and find solutions and alternatives when cooperation is difficult. The Children's Garden newsletter comes out next week, and I want to save detailed descriptions of play scenarios inside and outside for that letter. Because grandparents and other relatives are reading of our children's experience from afar, I will also post my contribution to the newsletter to the blog once the hard copy of the newsletter comes out.

We have a parent meeting for the Butterfly nursery in our classroom this Sunday, October 5, from 3 to 4:30pm. Here is a proposed focus for the meeting. Please email me (wdolde@gmail.com) if you would like me to address other topics.

Arrival and a chance for parents to paint (Kim, the children, and I will transform these paintings into our lanterns for our lantern walk at the end of October).

A lecture/discussion on the way we can use the wisdom of Kim Payne and others in early childhood. While I observe that our nursery children show great capability in transforming conflict into chances for imagination and growth, I have also heard that there is general interest in the school and among early childhood families in particular in learning and working more with the work of Kim Payne. In my previous school, I took the three year training with Kim on his social inclusion work; I have attended a workshop with him at Sophia's Hearth; and I have spent a few years with colleagues translating his work for early childhood classrooms. As such, I think I am well suited to give a taste of this sort of work, and I can give examples of how our children are already showing prosocial and problem solving behaviors.

This lecture/discussion will have 5 general parts.

A. An brief introduction of some of the most important things I learn from Kim Payne. Another teacher or parent might take different points. Kim might make a different list himself.

1. Conflict is important for our development. It is our job as parents and teacher to help children when conflict gets stuck--while having trust that they also benefit from being involved in solving problems.
2. Restoration, making things right, doing things over is much more effective than punishment or apologies. This has nothing to do with being soft or wishy-washy. It has to do with being effective.
3. Help the children humanize one another.
4. Help children move from fixed positions to being able to express their needs and see how their needs can be a bit flexible and do not necessarily conflict the needs of others.
5. Notice what is working. When helping the most egregious situations, Kim and those who follow him are effective because they are able to show a, say, supposed bully that she does not always torment the supposed target. When a child realizes that she already is capable of performing a prosocial action (even if she normally chooses the more agressive one), she is much more likely to show the healthier, healing response.

B. A discussion of the selection "The Safety of Nonjudgment" from Your Child's Self-Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. This provides us a way as parents to support our children if they come home and say, "Jim is a bad boy. He took my toy." Briggs helps us move from judgmental and "you" statements to "I" statements. Although "I" statements have their place, beyond personal statements enhance our ability to guide our children in a truthful way (here is another link to that article from a previous blog). If you like the chapter from Briggs, copies of Your Child's Self-Esteem are coming to our school's library soon.

C. A discussion of an interview between a counselor and parents from Difficult Children - There is no Such Thing. In this conversation, the counselor demonstrates a remarkable ability to see beyond the ostensibly negative (and outright alarming) behavior of a young boy. It is amazing what we can do when we suspend judgment and look for the archetype of an ostensibly difficult child. I also want to place this selection here to help us think about possible "exceptions" to a child's version of a "no put-down diet" below. The counselor is able to help the parents see that insulting language from their son is not a direct attack at them but is instead an indication of pain or sensitivity. In a similar way with children, I will caution us from making our children apologize every time they say something like "You're the meanest child in this class" (which a child in Baltimore used to say, very nobly, when he saw one child treat an other child unfairly). We can model and offer an alternative, without judgment: "Yes, it is very upsetting to see that toy being taken away."

D. A reading of a version of Kim Payne's "no-put down diet" for adults and older children (he revises, so there may be more current models). Although the agreements work best for children in 5th grade and up and adults, the principle of noticing and trying to do things over (without asking questions or drowning young children with explanations) is very helpful with young children. I will provide hard copies of this selection at the meeting.

E. A discussion that as parents and teachers, we can't always do the best thing for every child in every situation. We do our best to keep our children safe and to support them as they transform conflict into conversation, but not every intervention is always going to seem best for every child--at least in the short term.
As a teacher learning and growing from year to year, I still sometimes wondered if I could have handled this or that situation differently or better. Master teacher Jack Petrash, from that other Washington's Waldorf School (outside of D.C.) helped me accept my imperfection in a brief passage from Waldorf Education -- Teaching from the Inside Out (available in our parent's library but checked out; this is a readable and eloquent introduction to Waldorf education):

Reflective teaching invariably leads to self-knowledge. Although this may sound daunting, there are simple ways to proceed. One understanding is that what makes a teacher good also has within it the possibility of making a teacher ineffective. For instance, classroom management is a skill many teachers need to develop. Getting large numbers of children focused and on task requires a variety of abilities. Teachers have to be clear about directions and expectations, and be both persuasive and compelling. To do this effectively teachers also have to develop a certain degree of insensitivity to individual needs and interests. In moving students from one undertaking to the next, it is often necessary to respond to questions with, "Not now. Please take your seat," or "Tell me about that in a couple of minutes, right now just get started," and of course, "No, you may not change your seat. You need to sit right there." The ability to move a group from one activity to the next requires that teachers ignore certain individual needs.
Some teachers do this so effectively that children simply comply and lessons go smoothly. However, if these teachers do not also cultivate a keen interest in the needs of individual children, their work will suffer. Teachers need simultaneously to have the ability to work with the whole group as well as the ability to focus on the individual. And this balance does not always come easily. Teachers generally start out with a natural inclination in one of these two areas and then realize that they need to work consciously to develop the other.

Again, I recommend Petrash's book(s). He has also published Covering Home (in our library) which gives lessons for parenting inspired by baseball and Parenting a Path through Childhood.

With warmth and light,

William Dolde

Seatbelts in the Middle of the Room, Cleaning Garbage in the Woods

Dear Families,

       Rudolf Steiner and others recommend reviewing the day backwards.  I find it excellent practice for myself, and often I find it a helpful way to review a week with our nursery children.

       It felt just right to have siblings from the kindergarten sit with their younger siblings in the Butterfly Room before our closing circle.  It also seemed to work well to allow nursery children to run to a parent and come back to our playground before we gather for the closing circle.  A parent from kindergarten has asked if her toddler--not at all at a developmental stage where she finds it easy to sit placidly in her mother's arms before coming to the closing circle--could join us on the nursery playground for those last 5 minutes before we gather for the circle.  This child has joined us a couple of times, as has my younger son a couple of times.  My observation in all these cases has been that this brief addition of a younger child has helped the transition from home to school.  On one day I saw an older child in the nursery class merrily playing and "mothering" one of these visiting toddlers.  On another day one of the younger children in the nursery class, with a big smile, enjoyed a chance to guide one of these toddlers.  Kim Payne talks about the benefit we give our children we gradually bring worlds together rather than having sharp transitions (his examples are often in home life--in gradually bringing a child into the "world" of the parent who is making dinner).  Although I had some concerns that the kindergarten children might feel deprived of their experience by coming to sit with the nursery class, and although I had some concerns that once a Butterfly child hugged mom or dad she wouldn't want to come back, and although I still hold it possible that a toddler visiting us at the end of the day wouldn't always work, I have observed that this gradual transition from school to home has been very helpful for all the children.  Please do give me feedback if you find it is not working for one of your children or your family.

          We have been spending about 90 minutes outside each day, and we visit several play areas in addition to our nursery playground, swings, and berry patch.  Right before we return to the playground, children and teachers work and play together in a clearing with a teepee constructed by last year's fourth grade.  At the start of our school year, there was also a pile of moldy blankets present in this clearing.  Over three days last week, Kim and I packed the blankets into bags and hauled them off.  Often these little bits of work, of bringing a touch of order to potential chaos, has tremendous satisfaction for children who play and work in the environment of work.  Kim then began gathering rocks to build a (pretend) fire ring.  Children helped build up a (pretend) bonfire and roasted (pretend) hot dogs, smores, and the like.  We continue to visit a mountain to climb down and up (challenging and optional), a clearing with big rocks to climb, and a big clearing near the ropes course where we have a snack of crunchy fruit or vegetables and seeds. 

 In this big clearing, I have been offering traditional singing games such as "Then We Go to Market," "Fiddle up to London Town," and "Hey Jim Along Josie."  We have not been obligating children to sing and move to these games with us.  On one day, a number of children were picking berries or playing other games--until "Jim Along" came (it gives a chance to run, try to skip, and jump).  On Wednesday all 8 children participated freely for most of the circle time.

        It continues to work to have me and children ahead with the scouts on our walks and other children being guards in the back with Kim on our walks.  As one boy said as we walked slightly behind the children in front, "You and I are the chiefs on this walk."  We have occasional trips over tree roots, but in general the children find this time nourishing and invigorating.

   We have been blessed with mild whether.  Although a number of these outdoor play environments do have shelter of some sort, please do check your child's supplies to make sure the rain gear (which we have not needed yet) is ready for our first rainy day at school.  After September 29, as per our early childhood policy, we will wear rain pants, coats, and boots every day.  This allows us to venture forth on our walks without fear of being surprised by rain.

        Although some children still quietly or vocally protested over rice or soup, others who had not tried rice or soup the first week tried them.  Some children have much bigger breakfasts at home than others, too.  One child commented, "O, I actually like this kind of soup" after not trying the soup at all the first week.  The bread and butter on Tuesday seemed universally popular.  We do have that second snack at 11:45am, and I have not noticed any children showing stress or melting down because they are hungry.  Please let me know if you feel your child is suffering because she or he is not getting enough snack.  I am not going to change what I serve (this would not be very helpful to that child or her or his classmates), but I can--as I have in past years--be more insistent at snack time with one or two children to have them try and eat more.  I prefer not to do this, but I also realize that each child is different and as a teacher am willing to modulate my approach while keeping the course of the classroom ship headed in the direction it needs to go.  I have told a (true) story about a boy who loved to play outside except on soup day.  When his mom and I reminded him that he did actually enjoy many of the vegetables in the soup, and I insisted he eat two bowls, he started having fun outside again because he was not so hungry.  This became a treasured story in years past.

       On one day this week, with a just a little help from teachers, children built a big car or bus in the open space in the middle of the classroom.  At one point every child was part of the construction and the game.  There were several steering wheels and more than enough seats for everyone.  There were some disagreements.  There were times where there seemed to be separate games going on (steering wheels in different directions, name changing from bus to car to plane).  Some children built beds into the bus.  I was particularly impressed when children wanted to make seat belts for their bus.  They asked me and Kim to tie some of the colorful ropes we've been knitting, and children asked to have them be big enough to hold in two or three children (like an amusement ride at the county fair).  This allowed every child to have a seat belt.  This game, with permutations, lasted for half an hour or more.  It reminded me of how much the creative play of children (more than any puppet show, story, or song I can lead) can help develop attention span, cognition, and social and emotional capacities.  It was also very nice to see that is possible for the entire class to play in the same area--even if separate games became more prevalent in coming weeks or months.

While there have been many harmonious moments, there has been discord in the play as well.  Some of this manifests itself when two children are playing and a third wants to join the game, or when a child calls another her or his "best friend" at the exclusion of another.  Disputes over various play materials continue, as they likely will all year.  Even though this article is ostensibly about conflict for toddlers and not nursery children, it does an excellent job of bringing together various streams from Waldorf education, RIE and Pikler, and social inclusion work of Kim John Payne for young children.  These moments are often challenging for the children--and for the adult trying to help the conflict evolve into conversation without championing one child over another.  Here is a selection I have written about ways of speaking without judging, inspired by the book Whole Child/Whole Parent.

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde

 

Reflections from the first week

Dear Families,

       I would like to check in with every family by phone or person after the first days of school, and I also realize that we might not reach each other.  Feel free to check in with me by email if that works better for your schedule.

       In our play time before and after snack this week, every child in the class has shown the ability to find joy in vigorous movement and to value more tender games.  As a teacher, I find it helpful if there is a balance between the more extroverted and internal play.  Most children, even ones who seem quiet or reticent at first, benefit from the chance to run or laugh or jump or roll or tumble.  Most children, even the ones who seem always inclined to run or jump or yell, benefit from the chance to pretend to have a meal of wooden blocks with Kim or sing a baby doll to sleep.  Sometimes the mood can and does move too far in one direction--the new couch and open space inspired some vigorous running.  In some cases by building new scenarios, Kim and I were able to draw the children into a new energy.  In a few cases, we used the "time in" that is mentioned in our Children's Garden Handbook, inviting children to see what we were doing at the table making soup or with the dishes.  Although a child in the midst of a race might protest at first, she or he in a few minutes seemed pleased to know that there were peelers to use, vegetables to taste, and work to help with.

        Some play scenarios have included falling into mud, setting sail for a journey with food, hosting a wedding, creating a pretend meal of woodchips, setting up a fireworks display, bringing cats around in bags, building a playground with the slide and wood in the classroom (the couch next to the loft seems particularly helpful in this case--the children can climb up one way and down another), pretending to juggle, building beds in many parts of the room and pretending to sleep and wake up, placing baby dolls in a basket and pretending to be horses to pull a sleigh, rocking on rocker boards in all different positions, and more.

        All children have come to the table for snack and rest and our birthday celebration (the slow transition to rest time has been particularly peaceful; I allow children to play quietly once the toys are asleep).  Some children have claimed not to like the rice or soup without tasting it.  This happens every year, and we keep offering the rice and soup each week.  To help those children who do actually eat the rice and soup, I sometimes reflect back to very vocal complainers not to worry, that learning to like rice and soup is like learning to ride a bike and is something we can practice.  The ginger muffins (they look like chocolate but are not) were generally popular on the first two days.  We do have that additional snack at 11:30 or 11:45.  The berries in the berry patch have also been helpful for children who refuse to try the rice or soup.

        Many children helped cut or peel vegetables on Wednesday and knead dough on Tuesday.  Next week I will begin painting to make our lanterns for the lantern walk later in the fall (more information to come).  Freya Jaffke, a master kindergarten teacher from Germany who has taught for decades, always began her school year by painting paper after paper to prepare lanterns for the children and families.  Working out of imitation, for the first few weeks she painted as the adult activity.  Children were free to play or watch.  Then, in a few weeks when the children began painting, they had already observed how the teacher painted.  The children knew what to do, how to clean their brush, and the like without the need for a stream of instructions and corrections from the teacher.  I have always wanted to try to introduce painting in this manner and will be doing so this year--this seems particularly possible insofar as painting has not been part of the nursery week at this school in recent years.  I tell you all this so you can have patience for your child and for me if you hear complaints that "Teacher wouldn't let me paint at school!"  You can reflect back, "That sounds frustrating.  I wonder when you'll get to paint," and then move on with your day.

We have been blessed with fine weather outside.  As I mentioned in my meeting, my walk is much more a chance to pretend to be horses galloping or mountain climbers running down and up a mountain.  Especially when it is dry and warm, we have been encouraging children to take off coats before our walk.  Once it starts raining, of course, we will keep on all our gear for the walk.  All 8 children have stayed relatively close to me on our walks; Kim and the last child are never far behind me.  It has been delightful to share these walks with your children.  After experiencing the challenge of running down and up a steep hill with me, some children now choose to wait with Kim rather than running with me.  This is fine--I specifically build events like this into the walk because I find most years some children seek a lot more exercise than other years.

On the playground, the berry patch has drawn many children to explore or play hide-and-seek.  The swings remain very popular with Kim.  We do our best to get outside by 11am, and we have been right at that time most days.

        When it is pick-up time, if your child wants to run to give you a hug and then return to the playground, I would like to encourage that.  Please try to have your child make eye contact with a teacher before leaving the nursery playground for a moment.  Kim, Dyanne, and I are going to try having siblings hold hands as they walk to the final circle so that parents with children in kindergarten and the nursery don't have to be in two parts of the circle at once.

        Thank you for bringing the fruit and vegetable.  Because it is apple season, some families are blessed with more apples than they have use for and can bring quite a lot at present.  This means that other families need not necessarily bring a crunchy fruit or vegetable on Mondays or Tuesdays.  Some children like the routine of bringing something every day, so feel free to continue if it nourishes our family.  Do remember that we bring these crunchy fruits and vegetables along on our walk, so please bring in things easy to cut and eat with our hands without napkins.  Any and all vegetables are welcome for our soup on Wednesday.

  It can be hard for some children to have 3 rich and full days of school and then a 4 day break before their return to a second week of school.  For those of you planning to come to the Children's Day on Saturday, know that I will be at our school's booth playing fiddle.  This could be a chance for a quick hello to keep connected for Monday.

With warmth and light,

William Dolde

Songs and First Day of School

Dear Families,

      Thank you for coming to the meeting Thursday night.  It was helpful to hear your stories and wishes for the year, and I will try to touch on some of your questions and wishes and insights (such as young children and sharing, Waldorf education and brain and social development, and more) in the year ahead.

As I mentioned, I sing a lot throughout the day with the children and/or as we work.  Because I am not the strongest of singers, I find that singing a lot helps my voice improve.  This fabric of song throughout the day also nourishes children who seek a lot of musical inspiration while freeing children who may (as is age appropriate) find it too intense to be in a teacher led circle for more than a brief while.  Here are lyrics to many of the songs I sing throughout the day. 

As I mentioned in the meeting, I do my best to simplify the classroom to encourage freedom in play while maintaining an orderly environment.  With some potential peril (because I am an inexperienced sailor and may mix metaphors), I use the image of the ship and the teacher or parent as captain frequently.  The sea is not always calm, and the captain may have to adjust course, but the captain still keeps the destination in mind.  The crew feels secure when the captain is confident yet flexible and willing to listen to concerns.  I have also been using this image as I have been moving some perhaps treasured items (e.g., rocking chair) from the classroom and replacing them with what at first might seem idiosyncratic (a small couch).  As on a small sailing vessel, I want everything in the classroom to have multiple uses and be adaptable.  A small couch provides not only a place for mothers to nurse in parent and child class, it also allows me or Kim to sit with multiple children if saying goodbye is sad for them.  At other times, it encourages our children in imaginative play.  The couch can be a couch, a bus, a love-seat, a circus, and more; a rocking chair tends to have to stay a rocking chair.  If your child hesitates to say goodbye and Kim or I are already sitting on the little couch with a child, do feel free to walk across the room and bring your child to us.  In the past, it sometimes helps children to share a lap with others.

       At the end of the meeting, I do not think I was able to reiterate that Kim, Dyanne, and I are experimenting with joining together for our closing circle at 12:25pm around the kindergarten sandbox.  We thought this would be helpful to families with children in both kindergarten and the nursery.  If the social dynamics seem nourishing, I will bring our nursery children over a little early so they have time to play with the kindergartners on the kindergarten playground.  The teachers will have to see what works best for this year.  Kim and Dyanne gather the kindergarten children under the shelter before joining with parents; this helps create a calm mood for the closing circle.  While it will be wonderful if our nursery children can join them, I also welcome a different form for the nursery.  My experience is that even after having a wonderful morning, many 3 and 4 year olds find it hard to be away from mom or dad after they see them.  If your child seems to really want to see you, feel free to come join us even though this is a little different than what the kindergarten families do.  Kim, Dyanne, and I will adjust and adapt to make the closing work well.  Thank you for your patience and flexibility.

With warmth and light,

William Dolde

Nursery Meeting, Thursday September 4, 7 - 8:30pm

Dear Families,

      I look forward to seeing you tonight in the Butterfly Classroom for our meeting.  During the meeting, I will describe and elaborate upon the rhythm of the day and week and year for our nursery class.  I will also present a sample birthday story to give parents a sense of what their children will be experiencing in class.  If there is time, I would love to have further discussion about Kim Payne's presentation last week.  If you have a chance to read the articles on praise and choices before tonight's meeting (links available in previous posts of this blog), that would be helpful.  Even if we have to save our full discussion for a future meeting, I will tonight try to give a sense of how I strive to respond to and support the children in class.

       This link takes you to a schedule of our parent meetings and a description of the rhythm of the nursery day and week.  I will be glad to make physical copies tonight.

If you want an updated list of birthday celebrations for the class, please email me, and I will be glad to send along a copy.  Because we bake our muffins in class, parents of the birthday child need do nothing else than bring their child to school as usual.  

With warmth and light,

William Dolde